Nick Stevens: Krakens Released Since 1974.

The fine fellows from SB Nation had me in as a guest host for...

Thu, 16 May 2013 09:00:24 -0400

The fine fellows from SB Nation had me in as a guest host for their daily video nugget/takeaway program, “The Daily Win”, on which I opined on the utter dominance of the Miami Heat in the NBA, staking that it’s all but inevitable that they’re going to win the championship. And it is. So to make things fun for the kids I wove in random references to “There Will Be Blood” and “The Great Outdoors”, making this perhaps the first internet sports commentary video in which the works of P.T. Anderson and John Hughes share screen time. So I got that going for me, which is nice.

If you still care to carry on with more sportstalk then perhaps you’ll care to partake of this podcast wherein SB Nation host Matt Ufford and I discuss the unfairness of Eagles coach Chip Kelly’s “War on Tacos” and why the once great sportswriter Rick Reilly and his “poetry” need to go gently into that good night.

More soon. You kids be good now.

In many cities this would be called odd, freakish or unusual. In...

Tue, 14 May 2013 15:28:49 -0400

In many cities this would be called odd, freakish or unusual. In NYC it’s called Tuesday. (at Union Square Park)

Because at what point of any day wouldn’t you want to see...

Thu, 09 May 2013 16:00:30 -0400

Because at what point of any day wouldn’t you want to see this on any given sidewalk? We all need more #Manamana in our lives.

It’s only May 9th, but as far as I’m concerned the...

Thu, 09 May 2013 13:00:24 -0400

It’s only May 9th, but as far as I’m concerned the song of the summer is here. What’s the biggest hit of 2013 gonna be? It’s a “Dead Giveaway”, bruh.

Gotta love a good autotune, especially one fashioned from the random brilliance of a field interview given by the unlikeliest of urban heroes.

Q: Maybe I’m reaching, but could the whole Amanda Berry rescue be a really devious bit of viral marketing by McDonald’s? I know, seems like a bit of a stretch, but Charles Ramsey did namecheck his favorite burger joint a number of times within the first minute of the initial interview. Could be pure luck, or is it evil, manipulative marketing genius? I don’t put anything past the industry known as “Big Burger”. It’s cutthroat competitive. They’ll do anything for your fast food money and lunchtime dollars. Even if that means casting several people in a decade long hostage drama. Just sayin’ they got some crazy good press AND a helluva spokesman out of it.

About 2 months ago I had the chance to roast NBA Hall of Famer...

Thu, 09 May 2013 09:30:10 -0400

About 2 months ago I had the chance to roast NBA Hall of Famer Dennis Rodman. This is is the very NSFW result.

Just knowing that this board game exists makes my life more...

Mon, 06 May 2013 13:55:15 -0400

Just knowing that this board game exists makes my life more complete. For when it comes to Rodney Dangerfield I celebrate the entire catalog. Literally. All of it. Even “Meet Wally Sparks”. The man was a legend. A genius. And I’m sure this game is neither of those. Kinda don’t care.

On the “you’re probably not that interested but I typed it anyway” front - I’m currently the leading bidder for a copy of this game on ebay. Now who says dreams don’t come true?

I’ve always wondered what the formula for picking a horse...

Sat, 04 May 2013 10:53:57 -0400

I’ve always wondered what the formula for picking a horse name is, or at least if there’s a formula that would allow for people to make their own championship-caliber horse name. Most bets people place on big races like The Kentucky Derby are based on name alone, and seeing as this year’s Derby field is awash with boring names, I decided to create 2 new ways to make a good horse name. Borrowing from the premise of the “Make Your Own Porn Star Name” Game (take your 1st pet’s name, then add that to the street you grew up on), SB Nation’s Matt Ufford and I crafted 2 quality ways to make your own fun Kentucky Derby horse name, as you’ll see in this week’s episode of “The Halfy Hour”, SB Nation’s delightful free-form sports and things that sports fans think of or talk about talk show thing. So, those 2 methods are:

1.) Take your favorite superhero, then add that to a stereotypically Irish last name

2.) Pick your favorite street food, then add that to the last name of your 1st significant girlfriend/boyfriend

Now, who wouldn’t wanna bet money on and drink mint juleps cheering for Batman O’Houlihan and Fry Cone Sullivan? Love to hear any names you freaks come up with. Tweet them to me (@ahoynickstevens) if you have a spare, deranged moment or 3. When you’re not making your simple syrup for mint juleps or celebrating Star Wars Day.

All this and much more on this week’s “The Halfy Hour”. And who says nothing good comes from 2 white guys in their 30’s drinking beer and talking bullshit behind microphones?

Happy Derby Day!

If it’s football, eating, drinking, partying, playing...

Tue, 30 Apr 2013 12:33:36 -0400

If it’s football, eating, drinking, partying, playing games, not acting your age and just flat-out being a glutton for everything that’s delicious and demented in this country, then you’ll love the Season 1 highlight reel of “Tailgate Fan”, a show I hosted for CBS Local Sports. Produced alongside my brother, the trusty Geoff “The Geoffman” Stevens (who also served as cameraman and editor), “Tailgate Fan” celebrates the art of the pre-game party, one of the last things Americans flat-out do better than anyone else in the world. The food, freaks and fun we encountered across the country are well-documented, and if you have the time and means I highly recommend spending the money you don’t have (also something America is very good at) hitting up as many of these sites as possible. Most of them don’t even kick you out of the lot during the game. Tickets are too expensive, anyway. Just go for the tailgate.

An experienced tailgater told me last fall, “Tailgating is the last great American neighborhood”, and I couldn’t agree more. It’s one I could hang out in pretty much forever. And I think you’ll see why.

Life’s nothing without traditions, and going to Radio City...

Sun, 28 Apr 2013 10:00:24 -0400

Life’s nothing without traditions, and going to Radio City Music Hall, “disguised” as Fitzy, alongside my brother @thegeoffman to have fun with the football fans outside the NFL Draft every year is one of our favorites. When one of the greatest botched plays in football history earns the nickname “Buttfumble”, and fans respond to and cheer it, how can you have a bad time? (mild language, should you watch these kinds of videos at work…or with your kids)

This is probably the dumbest Boston sports video @TheGeoffman...

Mon, 01 Apr 2013 09:22:28 -0400

This is probably the dumbest Boston sports video @TheGeoffman & I make every year. And it sounds absolutely nothing at all like the actual John Lackey. But I’ll be damned if we don’t capture his soul, essence and “awesomeness” better than anybody else. Hey, the way the Red Sox have played the last coupla years, what’s a fan supposed to do but find unique and absurd ways to entertain themselves? Happy Opening Day, baseball fans. And let’s go Red Sox! Try not to be a complete embarrassment during my son’s first season watching, wouldya?

townienews:

JUST in time for Opening Day, you April Fools - it’s John Lackey’s Official 2013 Boston Red Sux Preview. And just because he’s lost some weight doesn’t mean he’s lost any of his sexiness or style. Oh no, there’s still plenty of Awesome O’Clock to go around for everyone.

Alright, game on - LET’S GO 2013 RED SAWX! Or, as Lackey would say, “Whatever!”

If anyone’s looking to spice up their next pick-up game,...

Sat, 23 Mar 2013 12:43:49 -0400

If anyone’s looking to spice up their next pick-up game, or any occasion really, be sure to invite Bart Majewski & Badge Williamson: The Uninvited Play-By-Players. They sure are some cool guys.

Hooplaha! Watch out, Jim Nantz, Mike Breen and Marv Albert. We’re coming for ya’.

Behold The Outstanding, Mind-Bending Basketball Synergy Machine,...

Mon, 04 Mar 2013 15:44:35 -0500

Behold The Outstanding, Mind-Bending Basketball Synergy Machine, a short film I starred in for ESPN’s Grantland.com, about how analytics are changing the way NBA basketball teams are assembled. Think Moneyball for basketball (Moneyhoops?) Cool thing about this is the writer/director went retro-50’s with the film, giving me the chance to do what few get to do; wear a tux and speak with a Carey Grant lilt on a sports & pop-culture website. Good times indeed. Goes with my belief that more new-fangled knowledge would absorb and digest easier if presented in an old-fashioned style. And by old-fashioned I mean with a highball or a martini.

Goat Remixes of popular songs. Yes, internet. YES. You’ve...

Wed, 27 Feb 2013 11:40:06 -0500

Goat Remixes of popular songs. Yes, internet. YES. You’ve finally done it.

The Bon Jovi one from the BuzzFeed article might be my absolutest mostest favoritest, but props ‘n hip-hops to my brother, The Geoffman, for hatching the pop-culture phenom that is to be GOATYE.

Wanna know how & why Paul Sullivan, aka “Sully”,...

Wed, 27 Feb 2013 09:00:22 -0500

Wanna know how & why Paul Sullivan, aka “Sully”, aka “Sully Baseball”, and I came about the nickname “The Deli Flowers” for the 2013 Red Sox, and why it’s so perfect? Wanna know what late 80’s Red Sox taunt I was cheering during the end of the Oscar telecast Sunday night? Wanna know how two grown men obsessed with movies, baseball and the sound of their own voice chose to spend a Monday night in late February? Then tune in to Part 1 of this edition of The Sully Baseball Podcast. We actually yapped for so long that Sully chose to break this up into 2 podcasts. You know, like how Bill Simmons does on his “BS Report” for ESPn. Well, this si the same thing. Just with less technology or sponsorship. Hey, I thought I was doing him a favor, beng a yammerstein, giving him a second podcast for the price of one. And that’s what you get any time you invite me on your podcast - so much yip-yap that if you’re feeling lazy or pressed for time you’ll probably get a second podcast out of it! I think this is how Peter Jackson came to make “The Hobbit” into not one but three movies. People just got talking about the Red Sox and Ben Affleck and fatherhood and, well…what an unexpected journey, indeed.

Hello Friday! Why not start your end-o-the-week on a good note...

Fri, 22 Feb 2013 10:00:12 -0500

Hello Friday! Why not start your end-o-the-week on a good note with the premiere of the new web comedy series from my Greek townie comedy supahpal Ari Voukydis and the almighty and powerful Mark Sarian, oddly titled “Mark and Ari’s 3-Minute Sketch Series”. And right off the bat they get to the good stuff by parodying “reality” TV AND keeping the funny program’s viewing length to the internet friendly viewing length of - you guessed it - 180 seconds. Also they made the wise decision to let Betsy Stover just go off and do her thing. She’s kinda rifftastic. A few more efforts like this and Catherne O”Hara should feel for her job security as the grand dame of Christopher Guest’s on-screen improv all-stars.

As a new dad I can pretty much assure you I’ll be guilty...

Thu, 21 Feb 2013 21:37:57 -0500

As a new dad I can pretty much assure you I’ll be guilty of bales of inappropriateness, in many forms, throughout parenthood. This, however, is something I can guarantee I’ll never do. And not because my wofe had a boy.

collegehumor:

Dad Gives Shocker to Camera Next to Young Girl

We can’t all win Father of the Year.

Let’s be honest - most everything about mid to...

Thu, 21 Feb 2013 14:58:18 -0500

Let’s be honest - most everything about mid to late-February kinda sucks. OK, the Oscars are fun. But otherwise, especially for the rabid sportsfan who is experiencing crushing football withdrawal? Yeah, this is a brutal time of year. Many men like me are suffering from a different kind of SAD: Seasonal Affective Disorder. It’s FSAD: Football Seasonal Affective Disorder. Well, lucky for me, sports blog superstar, and burgeoning sportsmedia personality Matt Ufford invited me in for a chat on his SB Nation Show “Uffsides” this week. and might I say few things warm the lower depths of the manheart on a cold rainy Tuesday in late February like talking football. We also touch on the sleepless joys early fatherhood (which I am in the glorious throws of currently…no, please, thank you), the joys of Massholery and the omnipotent meme-ery of “Harlem Shake”. As enjoyable a beer-free 35 minutes as I’ve spent with another gentleman in some time. And yes, I realize how weird that sounds.

Hopefully I’ll get a chance to pontificate pigskin with Matt and the SB Nation peoples soon. In the interim, make sure to subscribe to his show on iTunes, follow Matt and SB Nation on Twitter, subscribe to their YouTube Channel, and like all good Hulksters make sure to say your prayers and eat your vitamins.

A few years ago ESPN Mobile hired the Fitzy/Townie News team for...

Mon, 11 Feb 2013 09:00:29 -0500

A few years ago ESPN Mobile hired the Fitzy/Townie News team for the “Monday Night Mania” Project, where we were tasked with creating 3-4 videos per weekend to paint a picture of what’s going on in that city and how the fans were getting psyched for the game. Sadly, we were sent to Atlanta 3 times in the wake of Michael Vick’s arrest, plus other emotional dead-ends like Jacksonville, far too often. So the games and the hype weren’t much to write home about. However. we did get to cover several Patriots games in the then unbelievable and now tragically unforgettable “Imperfect Season”. We were also given some freedom to create some off-the-wall promotional videos, especially for what is now known as the “Watch ESPN” service, known then as ESPN 360. Our bosses asked us to come up with a video that would promote the idea that this service would allow you to, through laptop, desktop or phone, watch sports virtually anywhere, anytime. This is what we came up with. To this day I’ll never understand why ESPN didn’t market the hell out of this. I thought Flex Hamblast was going to be ESPN’s Terry Tate: Office Linebacker.

Few things make my day, or get me to reach for the embed &...

Sun, 10 Feb 2013 13:56:56 -0500

Few things make my day, or get me to reach for the embed & reblog tab, faster than a new Triumph The Insult Comic Dog video. Few tell the sobering truth with such blistering comedic disdain better than my favorite rubber dog puppet. Especially when attending a dog wedding. No, the richest dog wedding ever. All people in attendance should have been beaten with a bag full of rotten salad and nickels. Instead they got roasted by Triumph. This way punishment was doled out, and we got to laugh at them. Amen.

Winter snowstorms in the northeast always make me nostalgic for...

Sun, 10 Feb 2013 00:54:50 -0500

Winter snowstorms in the northeast always make me nostalgic for the good times we had growing up at 51 Faxon Street in Braintree. Because a nor’easter meant nonsense. And nobody did unintentional comedy better. From half-assed labor to suburban sarcasm to technological incompetence, we had the market cornered. Few could bitch up a storm bigger than the one that just dropped a ton of snow on us better than my dad. He was the anti-Will Rogers of manual labor; never met a physically challenging job he didn’t dislike. Nobody blasted detached teenage sunshine like my brother. What energy! And who could blame him. And nobody with a voice like Kathleen Turner could narrate the hell out of a video she could barely figure out how to shoot like my mom. She was just so…mom. You know what I mean.

I wasn’t even here for this gem. It was April Fool’s Day 1997. I was living in New York City, not even a year removed from NYU. My poor brother was the ~~human shield~~ buffer between the oft-warring parentals. All mom wanted was ~~a time machine to undo all her mistakes and live out the narrative of “Peggy Sue Got Married”~~ the chores done without any grief. But grief was all we knew. After all, we were my father’s kids, too. These :76 just say everything that need be said about us. Everything I need to know about what went on around our house when I wasn’t there, is here. When everything was wrong, that meant it was all right.

As someone who’s going to be a dad myself within 48-72 hours, I only hope I learned what my dad was trying to teach me here; chores suck, so make the best of it.

ZOOM THIS!